The Poopie List

This comes from a time before computers were a part of our everyday lives, a time when chain letters still made the rounds, a time when everyone, not just old ladies, clipped newspaper articles and shared them with friends.

I present to you The Poopie List! I received The Poopie List from my grandmother 15-20 years ago. You’ll shortly find out that my grandmother has a dirty and different sense of humor. Enjoy!

The Poopie List

• Ghost Poop: The kind where you feel the poopie coming out, but there’s no poopie in the toilet.
• Clean Poopie: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there;s nothing on the toilet paper.
• Wet Poopie: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you don’t ruin them with a stain.
• Second-Wave Poopie: THis happens when you’re done poopie-ing and you’ve pulled your pants up to your knees, then you realize you have to poopie some more.
• Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead Poopie: The kind where you strain too much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.
• Lincoln Log Poopie: The kind of poopie that’s so huge you’re afraid to flush it down the toilet without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.
• Gassy Poopie: It’s so noisy, everyone within earshot is giggling.
• Drinker Poopie: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking . It’s most noticeable trait is the skid marks at the bottom of the toilet.
• Corn Poopie: (self-explanatory)
• Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Poopie Poopie: The kind where you want to poopie, but all you can do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.
• Spinal Tap Poopie: That’s where it hurts so badly coming out you’d swear it was leaving sideways.
• Wet Cheeks Poopie: (The Power Dump) The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.
• Liquid Poopie: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out of your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl.
• Mexican Poopie: It smells so bad your nose burns.
• Upper Class Poopie: The kind of poopie that doesn’t smell.
• The Surprise Poopie: You’re not even at the toilet, because you are about to fart, but oops! It’s poopie!
• The Dangling Poopie: The poopie refuses to drop into the toilet, even though you’re done poppin-ing it. You just pray that a shake or two will cut it loose.

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