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Speed Skaters and E.T.
There has been one and only one question that has gone unanswered during the Vancouver Winter Olympics of 2010.
Question:
What is the relationship between speed skaters and E.T.?
Evidence:
More Questions:
Clearly there is some relationship between speed skaters and E.T. We must find out how deep and intertwined the relationship actualy is. What is that relationship and how long has it been going on? Did speed skaters evovle from E.T. or a similar being or was it the other way around? Did E.T. bring speed skating to Korea, the Netherlands, and Apolo Ohno? Can speed skaters make bikes fly in the air? How often do speed skaters phone home? Was E.T. invovled in the with the Jansen family speed skating saga or J.R. Celski’s nearly fatal speed skating injury?
Conclusion:
None at this time.
Please share your thoughts and any other questions that you may have about this strange connection between speed skating and E.T. that no one up until this point has been willing to investigate or ask the difficult questions. If you have any other leads please post them and we can continue to research this matter until we know the truth and nothing but the truth.
Best Parenting Advice Ever!
The blog that should have been written by me and my sick parenting skillz:
http://www.reallybadparentingadvice.com/
I’m thinking about seeing if I can get this person to write a guest post. Regardless of how that turns out, I’m pretty sure this is only site I will need to raise my child.
Dos and Do NOTs for Talking to a Prego.
My wife just gave birth to our first child and here are a few of the things she could and could not stand. Others were borrowed from other websites and blogs.
Do NOT call her prego.
Do NOT assume a woman is pregnant. Wait untill they volunteer the information or you see a baby head coming out of the woman’s va-jay-jay.
Do NOT ask a pregnant woman if she is having twins unless you just saw a baby come out of her vagina or belly via c-section and can see a second baby coming out or she has already offered you the information and you are sure you did not miss hear what she said.
Do say, “Congratulations!”, “Oh how wonderful!”, or a similar comment upon finding out someone is pregnant.
Do NOT ask about marital status or blatantly look for a wedding band. Do NOT ask her if she plans to have a wedding in the near future, word will spread if she gets engaged.
Do NOT tell a pregnant woman she is getting huge, big, or going to pop soon. The only comments on a pregnant woman’s appearance should be along the lines of, “You look wonderful!”
Do NOT ask a pregnant woman how much weight she has gained.
Do stick with general comments about her looks, rather than getting specific. “You look great!” is fail-proof, rather than noting the size of various body parts or how her nose has broadened. Noting that she looks happy or glowing is also a compliment that is difficult to take the wrong way.
Do NOT question whether she is mis-stating her due date.
Do NOT touch a pregnant woman’s tummy without permission unless she is your wife/sister/mother/best friend and even then it is preferable to ask first.
Do NOT tell a pregnant woman what she can or can’t eat/do/wear/go. Suggestions are fine, but judgements are not, unless she is playing Edward 40 Hands and even then you should really think before speaking.
Do NOT mess with a pregnant woman’s food.
Do say, “Oh how lovely!” or something along those lines upon finding out the baby’s gender.
Do NOT tell her what moody terrors teenage girls can be and do NOT warn her how a boy will tear up her house, eat all her food, and then forget about her completely once they grow up and get married. Even if this is all true, let her learn on her own.
Do refrain from comments like, “You must be having a girl because you are carrying the weight in your hips.” This is actually an implication that the woman has fat hips and no one, not even a third trimester pregnant woman, wants to hear that.
Do NOT tell the pregnant woman you don’t like the name she’s picked out and think she should name him Leroy instead. “What a nice name.” is an appropriate reply, whether you like the name or not.
Do offer assistance to a pregnant woman, such as giving up a seat, holding a door, or carrying a bag. If she declines the offer that’s fine, don’t push it.
Do offer your pregnant friend help, if you would like to make her life easier. Do ask if she needs you to bake a casserole the week her baby is born, babysit her older child(ren), do laundry or dishes, or clean around home.
Do NOT say some medical procedure must be used or avoided unless you are the woman’s doctor or midwife.
Do share your thoughts and experiences on medical procedures that you or a close friend have experienced.
Do NOT tell a newly pregnant woman your labour/delivery horror stories, she doesn’t need to hear it, just do NOT do it. Do focus on the excitement of the new baby, rather than sharing the grisly details of your botched c-section. Do talk about the joy this baby’s arrival will bring and stay vague if asked about your delivery. You don’t need to lie if the pregnant woman asks you a specific question, but dwelling on how much that episiotomy hurt will not do any good.
Do keep your questions friendly and nonjudgmental. It’s fine to ask whether the pregnant woman plans to nurse, go back to work, co-sleep, or any other typical hot button issue, but make sure you phrase the question neutrally so you are not implying there is a correct way to respond. Pregnancy is a time when most couples are still working through these decisions and they might be sensitive about their choices.
Do ask how the pregnant woman is feeling. Do express interest in her aches and pains if she elaborates on them, but do NOT press her if she answers simply, “Fine.” This is a friendly question that gets posed multiple times a day to women nearing the end of their pregnancies, so while it doesn’t offend, it might be tiring to answer thoroughly.
Do share with a pregnant woman is that she might not always be happy once the baby arrives. Many women feel guilty if they have a touch of the baby blues–which is actually quite normal and common, and doesn’t mean they are bad mothers.
Do NOT tell a pregnant woman she should be “at home, resting, get someone to wait on you.” That won’t pay the bills or put food on the table. A pregnant woman is NOT a fragile little girl who needs protecting from the big bad world, if she is out and about at 38/39/40/41 weeks it’s because she wants to or needs to be out and about. Chores still need to be done and walking helps get labor going.
Do NOT ask a pregnant woman, “Have you not had that baby yet?!?”
Agree or disagree with anything on the list? Did I forget the obvious? Let me know and leave a comment.
Many of these rules were borrowed and modified from the following sites:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions//showthread.php?t=1067783
http://www.ehow.com/how_2081840_talk-pregnant-woman.html
http://wertmans.blogspot.com/2008/06/tact-or-talking-to-pregnant-women-101.html
Ray LaMontagne, My Basehead Brother, and MPR Member Drive
I was running a couple of errands this morning, listening to 89.3 The Current and they played an in-studio of, “You Are The Best Thing” and it just put a smile on my face.
A few songs later I found out that my brother is a basehead. The Current makes me smile very often.
With that being said, MPR is having a member drive as I type and you read. If you’re not a member and you listen to MPR on a regular basis you really should think about becoming a member. MPR hosts and DJs always say every member, any amount. Even if you don’t have a ton of cash you can become a member with a one-time donation and reap all the benefits of being a MPR member. Seriously, there are many discounts that come with being an MPR and if you are spending money at these institutions you might as well save a little dough along the way.
Onion Mathematics
I. Like. The Onion. I, I, I like The Onion.
It is a well written, satirical weekly that started out in Madison, WI. The quality of writing surpasses many newspapers around the country, which is a bit sad. They’ve made me laugh with math related articles on numerous occasions. Here are a few of my favorites:
Question: Who Has the Best Sports Helmet Design or Artwork?
The top two artistic helmets have to be hockey goalies or skeleton racers, right?. Am I missing any other artistic, beautiful, unique design helmet types?
Pictures? Yes please! Share them if you’ve got them.
Outrage over Olympic Lugers Death or Lack Thereof
I’ve been surprised by the lack of outrage over the luging death at this year’s Winter Olympics. I haven’t been following the story very closely, so it’s possible that I’m just not aware of the outrage, but it does seem quite minimal to me.
Taken from CBS news:
The International Luge Federation and Vancouver Olympic officials said their investigation showed that the fatal crash of 21-year-old Georgian Nodar Kumaritashvili was the result of human error and that “there was no indication that the accident was caused by deficiencies in the track.”
That’s great, let’s blame the victim. He was from a country that is not exactly a major player in world politics or sports and it’s quite possible his training and luge skillz were subpar, though he did qualify for the Olympics and I would assume that he had at least met the minimum luge requirements that the Olympics set. He made a mistake on the death, I mean world record breaking, track and that’s just unacceptable and should definitely result in death. More seriously though, I think the real human error was low luge track walls and a lack of netting and padding for the poles adjacent to the track. I think the major news outlets have not addressed this and have brushed it under the rug so to speak.
I understand that there are some inherent risks involved with all sports and competitions and that those risks probably increase exponentially when it comes to luging, but…
1) The track was built for speed and to break records. Actually, it was built for warp speed according to this AP article.
2) Canadian lugers were allowed early access to train on the “warp” speed track AND competitors from other countries had limited to no access to give the Canadians an edge and, I would guess, help them win their first gold medal on Canadian soil. (Too bad a snowboarder beat the Canadian lugers to it.) With that being said, outrage over this aspect of the story would only be appropiate if this is not the norm in the Olympic luging world. It may be that limiting access to a luge track is standard procedure to give host nation lugers an edge. If anybody has any info on this aspect of the story, it would be greatly appreciated if you would share it.
3) Canadian lugers are/were unhappy with the changes made to the track. And Canadian luger’s families think the track is safe, maybe because the Canadian lugers had extra training time to become acquainted with the track. Well if the families of Canadian lugers think the track is safe then it must be, right? You stay classy canada.
4) What http://www.reddit.com thinks: Men’s Olympic Luger said to be Dead and Official Probe says Track Didn’t Cause Lugers Death
Going back to the CBS News article:
Still, they made some fairly significant adjustments to the Whistler Sliding Center track.
Officials decided to move the start of the men’s Olympic luge competition farther down the track to where the women start. It was a decision made with the “emotional component” of athletes in mind following Kumaritashvili’s fatal accident.
Officials also have modified the last turn where he crashed, erecting a 12-foot high wooden wall to cover the exposed steel beams. In the last hour before practice resumed, workers scraped and shaped ice from the edges in the last turn. Officials said they have modified the exit in the curve.
Making changes to the track at least suggests that officials think the track is unsafe and that human error on the luger’s part was not the only factor in his death. On the other hand, it would be gross negligence if officials did nothing and another major injury or death occured, so maybe it doesn’t point the negligence on the design of the track. I think an aspect of this story has been ignored by the media and that is what was the motivating factor behind this post.
That’s enough outrage, manufactured or not, for the moment. I hope people are enjoying these Winter Games, outraged or not.
A Journal for All the Old School Kids
Here’s a journal for all you who hate this blog and all other web logs out there, hipsters, grandparents, old people scared of change, technophobes, and blogophobes.
Check it out at Chronicle Books, Amazon, or your local twin cities Corazon boutique shop.
5 S’s to Calm a Baby
5 S’s to calm a baby
via http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbaby.html
•Swaddling – Tight swaddling provides the continuous touching and support the fetus experienced while still in Mom’s womb.
•Side/stomach position – You place your baby, while holding her, either on her left side to assist in digestion, or on her stomach to provide reassuring support. Once your baby is happily asleep, you can safely put her in her crib, on her back.
•Shushing Sounds – These sounds imitate the continual whooshing sound made by the blood flowing through arteries near the womb. This white noise can be in the form of a vacuum cleaner, a hair dryer, a fan and so on. The good news is that you can easily save the motors on your household appliances and get a white noise CD which can be played over and over again with no worries.
•Swinging – Newborns are used to the swinging motions that were present when they were still in Mom’s womb. Every step mom took, every movement caused a swinging motion for your baby. After your baby is born, this calming motion, which was so comforting and familiar, is abruptly taken away. Your baby misses the motion and has a difficult time getting used to it not being there. “It’s disorienting and unnatural,” says Karp. Rocking, car rides, and other swinging movements all can help.
•Sucking – “Sucking has its effects deep within the nervous system,” notes Karp, “and triggers the calming reflex and releases natural chemicals within the brain.” This “S” can be accomplished with breast, bottle, pacifier or even a finger.
I’ve been doing some research on the ol’ interwebs and have developed my own 5 S’s which have been independently verified to be superior to the above 5 S’s.
Tyler’s 5 S’s to Calm a Baby
•Shaking – The key here is to shake your baby hard enough to startle it and let him/her know that they are upsetting you. You don’t want to shake your baby so hard that you cause permanent damage, though temporary damage can be very helpful if used sparingly.
•Spanking – Again startling your baby into temporary submission is the goal of each individual spanking. The cumulative effect of many spankings is complete control of and authority over your child and that should be one of every parent’s goals. Spankings generally consist of multiple contacts, but a single contact can be used if you are short on time.
•Slapping – Not to be confused with spanking. Slapping generally occurs around or near the face, but can also be used on the torso region, front or back as well as other parts of the body, though not the butt. A butt slap is just another name for a one contact spanking. Unlike spanking, slapping generally consists of a single contact, but multiple slaps are possible, if not even encouraged from time to time.
•Screaming – When your baby is screaming they often want to be screamed at directly in the face. Screaming in the ears is also encouraged, but should be limited. Permanent hearing damage is NOT one of the goals of screaming at your child.
•Sake or anything by Seagrams – A little alcohol never hurt anyone, enough said. Plus, babies are dirty little creatures and if you use a high enough proof, you can disinfect your baby from the inside out. Alcohol is also an age-old remedy for quieting babies and helping them sleep.
Don’t worry, a mid-wife from HCMC has already called child services.
IYTISIDKWTTY
IYTISIDKWTTY
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If You Think I’m Serious I Don’t Know What To Tell You
Just covering my dairy err (sp?), because I have a strange sense of humar and am mildly autistic when it comes to communicating via the written word and using emoticons.
Also, I am hoping that IYTISIDKWTTY becomes a word acronym or that I/we can come up with an actual acronym to let people know that I am serious, serious as a heart attack, all the time;)
Renaissance Man 